I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
