You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
