just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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