how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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