My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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