I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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