I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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