after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
