drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
