He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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