Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
