The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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