just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
