So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
