the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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