i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
