They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
