her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
