i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You can't special order awesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
