BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
