Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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