I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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