I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
