This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
...so i touched it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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