That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
