remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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