my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
