I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
