considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
