I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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