i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
