Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
