just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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