I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
