Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
