I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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