his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
