you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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