I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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