i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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