today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
