you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
