i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
A+ Viking dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
