Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize