she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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