Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
