i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's paint friendship bongs
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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