Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
