if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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