Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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