in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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