Sponge bath it is.
You can't motorboat a personality
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
