I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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