reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
