where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
