Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
