I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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