and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
