when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
