I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize