You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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