His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
