The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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