a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
