Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
